3 Ways to Invent Your Own Gravity

When it comes to attraction, you must design a business that is consistently attracting great people and the right clients. I said "design" because attraction is no accident. You can't just put a sign out front that says, "We Are Awesome" and expect it to produce results. "Positive energy" will not be enough. To be clear, this article is about growing a great business, especially if you are a small business. It is about increasing revenue. It is about increasing joy in your work. Remember, success will not come without great people. This means that both the ideal customer and the ideal team must be attracted to you.

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Why do I call this "gravity"? Well, gravity is the force by which a planet or other body draws objects toward its center. Anything that has mass also has gravity. Some people have more gravity than others because of their ability to draw people in. This is why we use the word gravitas to describe very important people. Their life carries weight. Question: Does your advisory-based firm carry weight? Have you collected the mass of very important people and very important wisdom? Even if you are young in your practice, you can plan to build more mass in your firm now. You can begin to invent your own gravity.

Here is a 5 minute video on designing your own gravity:

Tired of Attracting the Wrong Clients or the Wrong Employees?

You already know this: being a subject matter expert does not make you a successful business leader. Has running a successful business become way more about people than you thought it would? Join the club. This is especially true if you are high on message. If you are high on delivering strategy, not just selling stuff, then this conversation is critical. Building healthy relationships with people is everything. Attracting your ideal clients is critical. In a way, this is the center of your business plan.

This article will help you design an attractive business that produces great bottom-line results. It may sound as though we are just talking about personal issues, but we are not. We are digging into the foundations of your business success. In a way, this article may sponsor real changes in your business model. It will certainly help you engage your target audience better. If business development is in your wheelhouse, please keep reading! Let's grow with the right customers and the right team.

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Why Am I Attracting the Wrong People?

We all know the feeling. You're at a networking event, or maybe you're just scrolling through your LinkedIn feed, when you see someone who looks interesting. They have a great job title, they work for a cool company, and they seem to be doing well in their career. So you reach out and connect with them, hoping to get some advice or maybe even land a referral from them.

But then you start talking to them, and it quickly becomes clear that they're not what you thought they were. They're arrogant, entitled, and self-absorbed. They only want to talk about themselves, and they're not interested in helping you at all.

Sound familiar? If so, don't worry - you're not alone. We've all been there, and it's never a fun experience.

But the question is, why does this keep happening to you? Why are you drawing the wrong kind of people into your life, whether personally or professionally? We all want to connect with amazing people. Why are we dealing with toxic people, especially in our work, at our job, or in our professional field of leadership?

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The Answer We Don't Want to Hear

The answer usually comes down to one of two things: either you're not being clear about what you want, or you're not being clear enough about what you don't want. I know. It's a bummer we can't blame someone else. This is why we don't want to hear it.

We are responsible for designing our own gravity.

If you're not being clear about what you want, then it's no wonder that you keep attracting the wrong kind of people. How can you win the right kind of a person into a relationship if you don't know who that is? You need to get specific about the kind of person you want to engage with and what kind of relationship you want to have with them. It is your responsibility.

If you're not clear enough about what you don't want, that will also pull the wrong kind of people into your life. When we dwell on something, we tend to get more of it in our lives. So if you're constantly thinking about all the ways that someone could disappoint you or let you down, then guess what? You're going to attract more people who will do just that.

The solution, then, is to focus on what you DO want. Shift your attention away from the negative and toward the positive. When you do that, you'll start to see a change in the kinds of people who are moving toward you. You will work with more positive people.

You see, both people and businesses have a natural gravity. They create a force that draws people toward them. If we are to mature as people and business leaders, we have to understand how to develop our gravity.

We might even learn how to invent some.

Before we go any further, do you think this all sounds too personal to be part of a business article? Well, it's not. There is a good chance there would be no business without you. And you are a person. You started the business. You lead it. Your "person" can't be separated from your business at this time. This means you may be the primary gravity for the business. So, don't give up yet. Stick with me. Let me tell you a personal story and what I learned that applies to creating a successful business.

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A Story

My first marriage fell apart when I was only 25. At the time, I didn't understand a thing. My failure began as a failure of attraction. I did not design my relational future. I simply fell into whatever was giving me positive attention. Embarrassingly, this meant my need for attention and approval had too much to do with how I built my relationship, and it led to disaster.

Now, let me tell you what led me into the best 28 years of my life, married to the most amazing woman to ever walk planet earth.

I made a list.

Well, I made two lists.

  1. First, my counselor had me write out who I wanted to become. What did I want my life to be about? I dreamed about the future. I wrote a personal mission statement. I came up with a personal tagline. In other words, I designed myself. I wanted to become the best version of myself--best I could understand.
  2. My second list was also required by my mentoring counselor. He said, "You can't get married again unless you know exactly what you want in a mate and why. I want you to write out a list of every single feature of your ideal spouse." I wrote down everything I wanted. I made notes about her mindset. Her style. Her physical beauty. Her abilities. And, yes, even her dreams about the future. It was a long list.

What did this accomplish?

It set me on a course to be myself. And it gave me a measuring tool to identify who I was best suited for. It protected me from just responding to affection. I had designed my attraction.

Guess who scored on every single item on my list? You are right. Robin Pasley. We have enjoyed 28 years together at the time of this writing.

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What I Learned

As I look back, I am so grateful for my commitment to the plan. I have witnessed and counseled many couples along the way, and I have mentored many business leaders along the way. This admonition holds in both personal life and business. It comes out in the same two things I learned in my personal life.

#1 As a team leader, you need to know who you are, and who you want to become.

#2 As a growth leader, you need to design exactly to whom you want to naturally appeal.

If you wanted to dig a little deeper (because you like this kind of stuff), I might expand these two basic conclusions to three statements that will help you build out your plan for improving your business gravity. This will help you set healthy boundaries, create a better social circle, spend more time with positive people, and overcome your own limiting beliefs.


You need to know who you attract, and who you are attracted to.

This is where you describe the present state of affairs. Take stock of your present inner circle, your trusted relationships and your client segmentation, and the direction it is headed. It is time to review who is on your team and with whom you spend your social time.

You have natural gravity. It is time to assess how it is working for you so far.

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It is not too late to make some adjustments. You can build your gravity by being more intentional in your life and in the pursuit of others. It is time to design who you want to be 10 years from now. It is also time to design who you want to be connected to 10 years from now. This goes beyond just expanding your customer base. This strategic work will help you attract and maintain the right customer, the best clients, and the best people in the world.

Every time you think this article is a bit too personal, just ask yourself, "What happens to my business if I just walk out today and never come back?"

Does it suffer? Does it fail? If you can negatively have an impact on your business by simply not showing up, then everything you do as a person has massive impact on the success of your business culture. How you go is how the business will go. Make your decisions accordingly.


You need to know who you want to attract in the future and who you want to be attracted to.

This is where you describe your best future. You make lists that describe your ideal partners and friends. You profile your ideal client. You describe in great detail the kind of people you want to be surrounded by in 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years from now. Who do you really want to attract?

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This thinking takes us beyond just profiling our target market. Brand and marketing will help you AFTER you come to sincere conclusions about WHO you want to work with. You get what you pay for, after all, so maybe it is time to start paying for the right people, not just the most talented ones.


It is up to you to make a plan, take courage, and take action. It's your future.

This is the part that takes real grit. You have to take practical steps. You have to plot your journey and design your own change. I suggest posting your future brainstorming on the wall at home. Look at it often and remind yourself of who you WILL become. Ask yourself every morning, "What is one thing I can do today that moves me toward the right people and the right future?" Do that thing.

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Maybe it is time to come around the table with your key leadership and talk about who you want to be working with 10 years from now. This may lead to segmenting your present client base so that you can profile your best clients. You may need to segment your workforce so you can profile who you would like to stick around a long time. Brainstorming who you are attracting is important. It is also important to discover why you are attracting them and if it is time to change some things and plan your own gravity. Try it.

To get you warmed up, watch this video. This dives a little deeper into defining your ideal client. This is very applicable to this discussion. Enjoy.

Now you are ready. Gather your team, hand out Post-It notes and do this simple exercise:

  1. Write the name of a favorite client on one Post-It note.
  2. Write the name of a favorite colleague on another Post-It note.
  3. Write the name of someone you greatly admire as a person on the third Post-It note.
  4. Have everyone take the sticky notes and put them together in the center of the white board. Put them in a purposely unorganized group.
  5. Have everyone at the table write down 10 descriptive words that define these people on the board. They could be personality words. They could be demographics or psychographics. These words would point to why these people are worth cloning.
  6. Finally, work together to group all the descriptive words into a few main clusters. Write down the phrases that summarize the key elements of each grouping.

You can now announce to your team that you have discovered some of the defining traits of the kinds of people you want to be exclusively serving in ten years. Take suggestions on what one thing you can change in your work together to take a step toward this goal. Put some practical steps on the board. Take some volunteers to lead. Announce to the team that this must be accomplished in the next 30 days, and create real incentives for those who help you get it done. 

Get it done.

Here is a symbol that I use in my advisory practice when we start rewarding people for great contributions. You get what you pay for. There is a natural joy in acheiving great thing together. There is even a higher joy when we take the time to reward people for contributing to our highest goals.

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The article discusses how to attract the right people by knowing who you are and who you want to be. You also need to know who you want to captivate and be captivated by. It is up to you to make a plan and take action. You can take the first step by posting descriptions of your best future on the wall and asking yourself every morning what you can do to move toward it. I bet it will always have something to do with moving closer to the right people. Focusing on people instead of production will help you achieve success in life and business. This is the kind of success people pray for. The kind with peace and joy and margin.

Cheers to that!

Thanks for reading! I hope this was helpful.

H.B. Pasley, Growth Advocate®